Say you’re given a huge responsibility of a task, or even leading a huge event, have you ever start to wonder if you are capable enough to do this, to make this work? You start to question yourself and at that point, your mind is drowned with sorrow and woes all you want to do is to stand at the top of a highest building and scream your lungs out!

Yes, leading something huge and important is not easy. Especially for the first-timers. At first, you’re worried that this may not work out according to plan. Then things go smoothly but as it nears to the end, problems comes out of the blue and hits you in the face like lightning and  you start to question if you are capable enough to do something successfully.

The expression on your team members’ faces are the triggers or even worse, the tone or if they’re too afraid to hurt your feelings, the things they do behind your back(not in my case don’t worry.. it is just from what I observed from other events). Listen, I may not be the best leader but I know I am trying the very best I can. I do not like being in the dark about things and certainly do not like being put into a position that would make me feel distraught about my capability as a leader. I’d rather be asked about it first than you making your own decision and informing me at a later time.

Yes, I do make mistakes and I forget things but know that I am learning as much. Yes, I may be in a blur at times and a slow learner but know that I am aware and that I take time to learn and master skills.

I know you are wondering why I am writing this and may perceive that I am asking for attention or being irrational but this is just to make things crystal clear.

You may be frustrated with me for not taking note of things or being really forgetful. I do know that very well and I know my weaknesses. But what I do know is that I am determined to make it work. I am determined to show the best potential I have got. If you spot the mistakes that I am doing or you don’t like how I roll, tell me straight into my face instead of telling other people about it or do something that would make the situation worse.

Yeah, you may think this may be dictatory but that’s not how I run things here. I’m all about honesty and 100% teamwork. I am and will always be open to ideas and will welcome them with open arms. From what I learn all my life, a leader isn’t a boss. A leader isn’t uptight. A leader does not merely tell and watch. They suggest and do things together with their members.

I may not be stern or fierce. But note that I have limits. If you think that that idea does not work for you in your opinion, but for me could, I will not say anything as I am absolutely positive that it will work. But if it doesn’t in both in our opinions, then that’s where I will say something. I am not irrational and I may take a long time in deciding huge things like this but I have to make sure that I am making the right decision that would not cause trouble.

I may have not have the experience of organizing huge events like this but always bear in mind that I am pushing my limits here and this is me getting out of my comfort zone. So all I am asking is as much guidance as possible and patience. Point out my mistakes to me in person and what you suggest I should do and I will learn from my mistakes. I apologize for being useless at things but trust me, whatever I am doing, I am pushing it to the extreme to make things work. That’s my promise to you. The last thing I want you to do is make me question it all.

To my dear readers, if you are like me who has not been a leader for something big and have not been put into this kind of situation before or even in the process of achieving your own goals, if everything becomes too overwhelming, please remain strong and face your challenges with your chin up high. If you want to cry, cry but get up on your own to feet again the next day and continue to achieve your goals. Do not let failure define you and remember that you are capable of anything if you just believe.

Most importantly, if you can’t turn to someone for advice or a talk, I am here always. Leave me a message and I will reply as soon as I can. I love you all and have a good day.

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